Distance

On Saturday night, I had a conversation with my boyfriend via IM. I wouldn't say it was an argument but rather a discussion of the things that were bothering him in our relationship. It was upsetting to me because he seemed to believe that everything that is "wrong" in our relationship is my fault.

One of the things that he mentioned is that he is not used to having a girlfriend after being single for 30 years. I understand that so I tend to give him a lot of space during the week. We typically go out once on a week night and see each other on the weekends. I feel like that is a lot of time for him to do things for himself, and I try not to bug him too much. Well, apparently he wants even more space and told me to "take what you can get and be happy with it". It made me feel like he didn't want a girlfriend at all and didn't want to spend anytime with me.

Since that conversation, I have done just that. I have given him his space. I haven't really talked to him that much since Saturday. I haven't IM'ed him at all and I text him once during my lunch to see how his day is going and once at night to say goodnight. Because of this, I feel very disconnected from him. So distant that I feel like I almost don't have a boyfriend at all this week.

I am trying to respect his wishes and hope that this gives him the space he needs to do whatever it is his single attitude wants to do. I am also hoping that absence makes that heart grow fonder, but I do have a fear that he will realize that he doesn't miss me, want me or need me.

In the meantime, I miss him a lot. I like conversing with him, and joking and seeking his advice. In sum, I enjoy his company, I just wish that he enjoyed mine as much as I enjoy his.