Bothers

Tomorrow is my interview. I thought by now that I would be looking forward to it. Instead, I am dreading it and have realized that I really don't want to be in this profession anymore.

Tell that to my boyfriend. He thinks that in these poor economic times that it would be stupid not to take a well paying higher position. He says going back to school to pursue a totally different career track is just not what one should be doing when a good job is available.

I tried explaining to him last night that I have not enjoyed working in preschools for almost five years now. I have given it more than chance and I am still not happy with it. He thinks that a new school and new position is what will help me to re-discover my love for teaching. Perhaps he is right, but I haven't loved teaching for a VERY long time, so re-discovering it will have to be a long trip back in time.

I'm still lost and probably will be more lost after the interview tomorrow. I guess I will have to wait and see what happens.

____________________________________________________________________

On another note. My boyfriend and I went out last night. While we were driving to our second destination, my boyfriend made some comments that I haven't been able to shake. We both had a few drinks in our systems.

Comment 1: He told me that he doesn't appreciate the unemployed "losers" because he has to pay for them to be unemployed. He feels that he shouldn't have to pay for people to "sit on their bums" all day.

I don't know if he was talking about me or about the unemployment system, but I am one of the many that have become unemployed recently and knowing that he thinks I am a loser that sits on my bum all day really irks me.

Comment 2: He had mentioned that he was mad at me on Saturday, though this is this first I heard this. He said that it bothered him that at our friends barbecue that I sat there talking to him rather than mingling around. He thought I didn't have a good time because he was there and that made him mad. He thought I was trying to "sabotage" the event.

The thing is...I had a great time at that party. I go to this party every year and it was the first time he had been invited. Its the type of party where you sit in lawn chairs talking, laughing, drinking and eating. It isn't really a walking around, mingling kind of event. This "sabotage" comment was not the first time that he has mentioned that. He thinks that I ruin events just to get attention or to cause a fight. I remember only one other time that I caused a fight at an event and that wasn't because I wanted attention it was that he pissed me off. He acts like I am not supposed to ever get mad or sad or annoyed and if I do he thinks it's sabotage.

I don't know. I don't want to bring up these comments again to him but they have been lingering in my mind all day today. I am just bothered by them.