Shut Up

Sometimes I say things and don't think. And then a minute or two after I say it, I completely regret it and know that there may be repercussions from saying it. This happened today at work and I immediately regretted it and felt like a dumb ass. And when this happens, it is all that is on my mind and I can't stop thinking about how stupid it was to say it. I am dreading walking into work tomorrow, but already have the speech prepared in my head caused I have been obsessed about it in my thoughts.

I sometimes wonder if this wonderful trait of mine is why I have trouble baiting a man in the online world of dating. See, I start talking to guys, get to like them and then after oh a week or two of great emails, they suddenly stop all communication with no explanations what so ever. This has happened 4 or 5 times so far. I am getting frustrated and losing confidence over it more and more.

If I could just shut myself up before I say something stupid than maybe I would be more lucky. But I feel like I shouldn' t have to change myself. Can't I find myself a mate that accepts and loves this awesome quality of mine. Can't I find one that sees past the awkwardness I feel in these first few stages of dating. Aren't they feeling weird and awkward too? Maybe its just me.