Depressed

I can't hide my depression anymore. I was good about faking happiness for a while but now its getting pretty difficult to act.

I don't know what to do. I am seeking help. I have made an appointment with a psychologist.

There is so much that depresses me and gets me down. I hate myself. I don't trust the decisions I make because most of the decisions I have made were the wrong ones.

I moved back to New Jersey to be happy. I'm not happy. I lived in Maryland...I wasn't happy. I had a great boyfriend...I wasn't happy. I'm never happy. This leads me to believe that I will not be happy no matter what, so why bother trying.

I miss my ex-boyfriend. I miss him terribly and often times I feel like if I had him in my life even as only a friend that my life would be happier. It's hard. Everything I do, or see, or read reminds me of him. Constant reminders of him. How can I get over him when I can't get him out of my mind?

I wish I had friends here. I left my friends in West Virginia and Maryland. My friends from New Jersey have all moved away since college and the only thing I have here is family but what if thats not enough.

I am lonely. I sit at home with my parents almost every night. I have no one to go out with. And tonight my brother said "how can you meet another boyfriend when you never go out". Am I supposed to go out alone with out friends? The sad part is that most times I don't want another boyfriend. I am not over my last boyfriend and I am not sure if I am the girlfriend or marriage type. I would like to move out of my house and I feel like I would do much more if I wasn't living with my parents getting constantly judged for what I do (or don't do)

It's too much for me to handle. With all this, who wouldn't be depressed?