Total Letdown

This summer has been a total letdown.

In the Spring, my boyfriend and I discussed doing many mini weekend getaways. We had plans for Washington D.C, the shore and Hershey Park.

Then my boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Las Vegas that his friends were also going on. It was planned. I took the days off of work. Then his friends backed out. And even though we had the plans booked, he cancelled too and we are left without a vacation.

Then we have our annual week-long trip to Lake Raystown in Pennsylvania. We go with a bunch of his co-workers every year. It was planned. I took the whole week off of work. Then his boss, who plans the trip, had an affair on his wife and the trip was cancelled and we are left without another vacation.

I tried to convince my boyfriend to go somewhere during these days I already have taken off. He has lots of excuses.

He wants to go with a group. Always wants a big group. It hurts my feelings. Why doesn't he want to go with me alone? Am I too boring? I mean he says he loves me but he doesn't want to spend a few nights alone with me.

Then he says he has anxiety towards events. He doesn't want to plan anything because he has such social anxiety about it. And it has seeped into our normal day to day living. He didn't want to go to a party this weekend with my friends. Said he had too much anxiety over it. So he kept putting it off. We arrived to the party hours late but once he was there he was fine.

Its always my events. My parties. My friends. My trips. My ideas. He has no problem going to the bars with his friends or the parties at his work.

I am very disappointed. This summer has been a complete and total let down. A lie. A farce. I have held it in for most of the summer but just a few minutes ago I told him how disappointed I was. And he says "Keep fueling the pressure and anxiety." Am I being a horrible girlfriend? I have dealt with his "anxiety" about doing my events for the entire relationship. In fact, I many times have thought about breaking up with him because of it.

I never try to show my emotions around him, because he doesn't like it and makes me feel bad about it when I do. But after all this, I finally communicate to him about how I feel and I still feel bad about it. Maybe I am pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do. But when it is always your event that he doesn't want to do it takes a toll.

Am I being a bad girlfriend? Am I being fair to myself? Is there a solution to this problem?