Totally NOT a faker with my injury, as so many people I vacationed with had thought. I got an MRI and tore ligaments in my knee and may possibly need surgery!! EEK!
Been very bummed about the bummed knee. I haven't been able to work for the last 2 weeks and with the possibility of surgery, I may be out for months. I have been very stressed about the lack of money since this has happened. I am hoping that work will help me out so I can collect some sort of disability or unemployment payments. Still, this is an added stress that I don't want to be thinking about right now.
What I am REALLY worried about is the surgery. I have never in my whole life had surgery on anything. I know that this surgery isn't nearly as bad or invasive as many other surgeries but it still has me freaked out. What also has me depressed is that recovery time after surgery. Apparently, a year of physical therapy is needed to get the knee close to normal condition again. So a whole year of my life is gone thanks to the ocean slamming my knee.
I forgive the ocean though. In fact, I want to go back. I want nothing more that to be sitting on the beach in this beautiful weather watching the waves crash in and relaxing (as long as my knee is not in those crashing waves, that is).
I also learned that my boyfriend cares about me. I knew that before but this is just more proof. After this happened, I thought he really didn't care. I thought that I annoyed him by getting an injury on vacation. And I think that is still partly true. But now that it has been shown to be a pretty bad injury, he has been taking care of me. He has been babying my knee, carrying things for me, making sure my crutches are always near, holding doors open for me and taking me to doctors. Its been really nice to have that kind of support and I love him for that.
Showing posts with label vacations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vacations. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Ocean Faker
While on vacation at the Jersey Shore (which was fantastically relaxing, by the way) I hurt my knee in the ocean when a wave hit it. Yeah, I was taken down by a wave. I twisted it and it hurt really bad. What hurt worse was finding out that my boyfriend's entire family, who we were vacationing with, thought that I faked it. I was very hurt and still am hurt by it. It makes me uncomfortable to be around them. And because they think I faked it, I feel like now everyone feels I faked it too. That is probably not true, but they put the doubt in my mind and I hate that.
I think they thought I was faking because the injury didn't stop me from doing things at the shore. I still went to the boardwalk, swam in the pool (not the ocean) and went to sit on the beach. I did all that through pain and put on a happy face while doing it. After all, I was on vacation and I didn't want to take away from other's fun times.
So they thought I faked it. I am still in pain even though it happened a week and a half ago so I went to see a doctor. I slightly tore a ligament on my inner knee and have to use crutches to stay off of it! Don't know how I can fake that? I feel like I have to prove them wrong by showing them a doctor's note or something. I think that is very sad and I shouldn't have to do that. I'm sure they will think I am over-reacting when I come in with crutches later.
I don't know what I need to do to be good enough in their eyes. It is probably beyond that point of fixing that. I am very hurt that they think I am lying and faking.
I think they thought I was faking because the injury didn't stop me from doing things at the shore. I still went to the boardwalk, swam in the pool (not the ocean) and went to sit on the beach. I did all that through pain and put on a happy face while doing it. After all, I was on vacation and I didn't want to take away from other's fun times.
So they thought I faked it. I am still in pain even though it happened a week and a half ago so I went to see a doctor. I slightly tore a ligament on my inner knee and have to use crutches to stay off of it! Don't know how I can fake that? I feel like I have to prove them wrong by showing them a doctor's note or something. I think that is very sad and I shouldn't have to do that. I'm sure they will think I am over-reacting when I come in with crutches later.
I don't know what I need to do to be good enough in their eyes. It is probably beyond that point of fixing that. I am very hurt that they think I am lying and faking.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Total Letdown
This summer has been a total letdown.
In the Spring, my boyfriend and I discussed doing many mini weekend getaways. We had plans for Washington D.C, the shore and Hershey Park.
Then my boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Las Vegas that his friends were also going on. It was planned. I took the days off of work. Then his friends backed out. And even though we had the plans booked, he cancelled too and we are left without a vacation.
Then we have our annual week-long trip to Lake Raystown in Pennsylvania. We go with a bunch of his co-workers every year. It was planned. I took the whole week off of work. Then his boss, who plans the trip, had an affair on his wife and the trip was cancelled and we are left without another vacation.
I tried to convince my boyfriend to go somewhere during these days I already have taken off. He has lots of excuses.
He wants to go with a group. Always wants a big group. It hurts my feelings. Why doesn't he want to go with me alone? Am I too boring? I mean he says he loves me but he doesn't want to spend a few nights alone with me.
Then he says he has anxiety towards events. He doesn't want to plan anything because he has such social anxiety about it. And it has seeped into our normal day to day living. He didn't want to go to a party this weekend with my friends. Said he had too much anxiety over it. So he kept putting it off. We arrived to the party hours late but once he was there he was fine.
Its always my events. My parties. My friends. My trips. My ideas. He has no problem going to the bars with his friends or the parties at his work.
I am very disappointed. This summer has been a complete and total let down. A lie. A farce. I have held it in for most of the summer but just a few minutes ago I told him how disappointed I was. And he says "Keep fueling the pressure and anxiety." Am I being a horrible girlfriend? I have dealt with his "anxiety" about doing my events for the entire relationship. In fact, I many times have thought about breaking up with him because of it.
I never try to show my emotions around him, because he doesn't like it and makes me feel bad about it when I do. But after all this, I finally communicate to him about how I feel and I still feel bad about it. Maybe I am pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do. But when it is always your event that he doesn't want to do it takes a toll.
Am I being a bad girlfriend? Am I being fair to myself? Is there a solution to this problem?
In the Spring, my boyfriend and I discussed doing many mini weekend getaways. We had plans for Washington D.C, the shore and Hershey Park.
Then my boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Las Vegas that his friends were also going on. It was planned. I took the days off of work. Then his friends backed out. And even though we had the plans booked, he cancelled too and we are left without a vacation.
Then we have our annual week-long trip to Lake Raystown in Pennsylvania. We go with a bunch of his co-workers every year. It was planned. I took the whole week off of work. Then his boss, who plans the trip, had an affair on his wife and the trip was cancelled and we are left without another vacation.
I tried to convince my boyfriend to go somewhere during these days I already have taken off. He has lots of excuses.
He wants to go with a group. Always wants a big group. It hurts my feelings. Why doesn't he want to go with me alone? Am I too boring? I mean he says he loves me but he doesn't want to spend a few nights alone with me.
Then he says he has anxiety towards events. He doesn't want to plan anything because he has such social anxiety about it. And it has seeped into our normal day to day living. He didn't want to go to a party this weekend with my friends. Said he had too much anxiety over it. So he kept putting it off. We arrived to the party hours late but once he was there he was fine.
Its always my events. My parties. My friends. My trips. My ideas. He has no problem going to the bars with his friends or the parties at his work.
I am very disappointed. This summer has been a complete and total let down. A lie. A farce. I have held it in for most of the summer but just a few minutes ago I told him how disappointed I was. And he says "Keep fueling the pressure and anxiety." Am I being a horrible girlfriend? I have dealt with his "anxiety" about doing my events for the entire relationship. In fact, I many times have thought about breaking up with him because of it.
I never try to show my emotions around him, because he doesn't like it and makes me feel bad about it when I do. But after all this, I finally communicate to him about how I feel and I still feel bad about it. Maybe I am pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do. But when it is always your event that he doesn't want to do it takes a toll.
Am I being a bad girlfriend? Am I being fair to myself? Is there a solution to this problem?
Sunday, August 9, 2009
The Best
I have the best boyfriend in the world!
On Friday night / Saturday Morning, when I had a MAJOR emotional meltdown, he was right there next to me being the support I need. He talked, I cried, He hugged. He handled the situation calmly and in the end after I fell asleep, he put his arm around me and snuggled with me. Upon waking up, I apologized and thanked him and we talked more about the situation. He told me he still loves me and he cheered me up.
Later that afternoon, we went shopping to prepare for our vacation next week. We went to the sports store and he purchased over $300 of water sports attire for me. I told him that he didn't have to pay for it, that I would pay or that maybe I would just not jet ski while on vacation. He just kissed me on the cheek and said that he "wants " to pay for it so that I could have a good time on vacation.
He's the best. I love him, and not because he buys me things, but because he makes me feel good. He sticks by me through the good and the bad things. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. He makes me so happy and I am so lucky to have him! :)
On Friday night / Saturday Morning, when I had a MAJOR emotional meltdown, he was right there next to me being the support I need. He talked, I cried, He hugged. He handled the situation calmly and in the end after I fell asleep, he put his arm around me and snuggled with me. Upon waking up, I apologized and thanked him and we talked more about the situation. He told me he still loves me and he cheered me up.
Later that afternoon, we went shopping to prepare for our vacation next week. We went to the sports store and he purchased over $300 of water sports attire for me. I told him that he didn't have to pay for it, that I would pay or that maybe I would just not jet ski while on vacation. He just kissed me on the cheek and said that he "wants " to pay for it so that I could have a good time on vacation.
He's the best. I love him, and not because he buys me things, but because he makes me feel good. He sticks by me through the good and the bad things. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. He makes me so happy and I am so lucky to have him! :)
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