New Job....new hatred for what I do.
I finally got a job in the public schools, something that most people with an education degree dream of having. I work in the before and after school program at a local public school district. I Thought it would be great. I thought that it would be just like what I was doing before just with older kids. But I was wrong. Sure, it definitely isn't as stressful with the children. But the hours are horrible... a big split shift with a 5 hour break mid-day. It makes for a long day....waking up early when it is dark to get home late when it is dark. But what I feel makes the job worse is the fact that there is no teaching going on at all. I am basically babysitting children before and after school while they do homework, color, put together puzzles and play cards. And yes, the occasional game of Uno cards can be pleasant and enjoyable, it is not something I want to be doing every day all day long at work.
I asked my site leader if I can do some projects or science experiments. And he told me not to bother. The children aren't interested and they are constantly getting interrupted by parent pick ups, other children and other games. I feel like my creativity and knowledge has been stifled.
When I interviewed for this position, I asked about starting enrichment programs based on the children' s interests and about projects and activities. And they described a program that was all that. Except its not.
So I am lost as to what to do. I just got a job...in the public schools which can give me good connections and help me get into a better position in the district later on. The hours, though in the long term suck, will help me in the short term with being able to go to physical therapy in the day on my long break. This job has very part time hours which means very minimal paycheck and the placement of the hours make it impossible to get another part time job to fill in the blanks.
I used to get excited to go to work. When I was working in preschools, seeing all those smiling excited faces ready to learn, planning lesson plans and art projects. I loved it. I couldn't wait to go to school the next day. Now I am not excited about it at all. I don't like having that feeling.
I'm feeling deflated. A bachelor's degree from a good school; thirteen years of teaching experience; certification....and I have an hourly part time after school babysitting-like position. Is this all I am worth?
Showing posts with label teaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teaching. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Missing Teaching
I think I hate my job. Actually I am mostly sure of it.
I thought that I would enjoy being a preschool director. I was a director before and loved it. But this school is different. Besides only being allowed to sit in an office all day and not interact with the children, the owner of the school is not only mean to me but also is cruel to the children. It is horrible what I hear her say to the children, it is just not acceptable. The school also is not following any state licensing regulations and is in fact breaking many of them. How this school remains licensed is a mystery to me.
I was never fully trained at this position so I go through work daily feeling incredibly unsure and unconfident in myself. Any one who knows me knows that if it is one thing that I am confident in it is my knowledge of child development and my ability to teach children. This job has zapped me of all of my confidence in what I do, what little I had left after my last job.
Today really bothered me. I am educated in how to teach children and how to make teachers and schools a better place for families. I am not trained in how to be a secretary and office manager. I do not know how to use quickbooks except for the bare minimums. I do not want to be in charge of the finances of not only the school but two other companies as well as my boss' personal finances. When I was hired they neglected to tell me that this would be the only thing that I would be doing and instead told me everything that I wanted to hear. Today, I told my boss that I think that there is less money in the accounts than she thought and I got in trouble. I felt terribly bad about it and I know part of it is my errors. But also, I was not trained in how to use quickbooks so how the hell was I supposed to know what to do. So she called the accountant and I had to sit in the office all day watching him do his work while being made to look foolish and feeling stupid.
I think that I actually miss teaching. I miss being creative and being a part of children's lives. I miss interacting with children and seeing that a-ha moment when they finally got something. I miss being in an environment where a child's uniqueness is fostered not diminished. I want to be in a more positive learning environment.
I feel like I may be making a mistake if I leave my current position. Am I meant to be a teacher and just a teacher? If I leave will I be able to do everything that my current flexible schedule allows? I think the flexible schedule is the only thing keeping me at my director job, is it worth it?
I thought that I would enjoy being a preschool director. I was a director before and loved it. But this school is different. Besides only being allowed to sit in an office all day and not interact with the children, the owner of the school is not only mean to me but also is cruel to the children. It is horrible what I hear her say to the children, it is just not acceptable. The school also is not following any state licensing regulations and is in fact breaking many of them. How this school remains licensed is a mystery to me.
I was never fully trained at this position so I go through work daily feeling incredibly unsure and unconfident in myself. Any one who knows me knows that if it is one thing that I am confident in it is my knowledge of child development and my ability to teach children. This job has zapped me of all of my confidence in what I do, what little I had left after my last job.
Today really bothered me. I am educated in how to teach children and how to make teachers and schools a better place for families. I am not trained in how to be a secretary and office manager. I do not know how to use quickbooks except for the bare minimums. I do not want to be in charge of the finances of not only the school but two other companies as well as my boss' personal finances. When I was hired they neglected to tell me that this would be the only thing that I would be doing and instead told me everything that I wanted to hear. Today, I told my boss that I think that there is less money in the accounts than she thought and I got in trouble. I felt terribly bad about it and I know part of it is my errors. But also, I was not trained in how to use quickbooks so how the hell was I supposed to know what to do. So she called the accountant and I had to sit in the office all day watching him do his work while being made to look foolish and feeling stupid.
I think that I actually miss teaching. I miss being creative and being a part of children's lives. I miss interacting with children and seeing that a-ha moment when they finally got something. I miss being in an environment where a child's uniqueness is fostered not diminished. I want to be in a more positive learning environment.
I feel like I may be making a mistake if I leave my current position. Am I meant to be a teacher and just a teacher? If I leave will I be able to do everything that my current flexible schedule allows? I think the flexible schedule is the only thing keeping me at my director job, is it worth it?
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