Someday

After our little scare, all is clear and well. The test came back negative. I have to say that I am very relieved and a little disappointed. Relieved because we were not ready for this emotionally, financially or in any way what so ever. And disappointed because I guess I was kinda getting used to the idea of being a mommy. I know that it worked out for the best and I am happy about that and I am sure that the right time will come when I will become a mommy. That time is just not now.

I did learn a lot about my boyfriend through this experience. Last night, I told him that I was late for my period. He was so supportive. He said "All you have to do is take the test and I will handle the rest." He told me that if I was pregnant that he would want to raise the child together and even offered to marry me. I explained to him that I want him to marry me because he wants to and not because he has to. He was super supportive and calm throughout the whole thing, even when I was not. He made me feel better about the situation and that everything was going to be okay not matter what the results were today.

I took the test in the bathroom at work and since it was a negative, I texted him the results. He seemed relieved about the outcome and even said "Congrats" to me. About a half hour later, I realized that I wasn't that happy and even got teary eyed. I wrote him back and said "I thought I would be ecstatic but instead I am blah". He agreed and thought that it was because we realized how easily this can happen even with all the protection that we use and that the next time the outcome may be different. I think it was because after his support last night, I accepted the fact that I may be pregnant. I was getting used to the idea and even was starting to like it. As dumb as that is, when we are unmarried, without houses of our own and have little money.

Some day we will be parents, and when it is meant to happen it will. And I know that when that time comes, we will be more prepared and ready to handle whatever life hands to us.