Today is the birthday of my boyfriend's sister and they are having a family party at her house.
I wasn't invited. And it hurts my feelings. I am not sure if it should hurt my feelings but it does.
My boyfriend, in the short amount of time we have been dating, has been invited to three family birthday parties. He attended one of them even though he said that he was going to come to all of them. But its the invite that counts. He has been invited to three and I haven't been invited to one.
It hurts my feelings. He has been included as a part of my family already and I have not been accepted as part of his. And a part of me wishes that he would fight for me more on this issue with his family but maybe he isn't ready for me to be included in family events yet. It still hurts. I was hoping all day for a call or text telling me the details of meeting for this event but I got nothing. I am hurt. I don't know if I'd ever tell him that and I don't even know if it is right to feel this way, but I am still sad about it.
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"It's hard to walk in a single girl's shoes, that's why we need great ones to make the walk fun" -Sex and the City
Welcome to Single Girl's Shoes!
I started writing this blog to express my feelings and share my experiences as a single girl who recently ended a relationship. Being single can be difficult and upsetting but also exciting and fun. I wanted to share my experiences as a single woman and how I deal with the frustrations of the dating world on a daily basis.
That's why I started the blog, but now that I have a boyfriend, I write about the excitement, concerns, happiness and confusion that occur in a new relationship.
Enjoy!
That's why I started the blog, but now that I have a boyfriend, I write about the excitement, concerns, happiness and confusion that occur in a new relationship.
Enjoy!
About Me
- Alison Joy
- A single girl trying to make it in the world without being nagged about finding a man
2 comments:
Hi. I've been reading your blog for a while--I really emphasise with so much of what you have to say; it almost breaks my heart sometimes. I'm so happy for you, that you've found this sweet man who's been so supportive and seems to have enriched your life...I hope I can be so lucky! ;)
I'm coming out of lurkdom because I was dismayed by your latest post. I know I don't know you or your boyfriend, but I strongly feel that unless you really, truly believe an injustice has been done here, you may be seen as petty and irrational if you push this issue of invites to family gatherings. Before getting upset, ask yourself the following:
1. Was any other non-family member invited, or were you singled out for special neglect?
2. Is his sister the type who would not want anyone she didn't know well to be at her party? Is she shy (or otherwise anti-social? ^_^*)
If other members of your boyfriend's family brought boyfriends/girlfriends to this party, then you should ask your boyfriend upfront why he didn't invite you, and let him know that he hurt you. Otherwise, let it go.
Don't get me wrong, I think you've a right to express your hurt to your boyfriend, but unless you're very careful, I think you may appear jealous, clingy or possessive. And, rightly or wrongly, if you try to (or are perceived as trying to) FORCE your way into his family circle, you may find yourself ostracised. That's all.
Sorry if all that sounded like a sermon--I didn't mean it to be at all. I'm on your side, I DO understand your pain at not being invited to this thing, but I also have faith in your boyfriend--he seems really steadfast, and I'm sure you'll work it out. Good luck! I'm rooting for you :)
Kas..
I am SO glad to hear that you enjoy reading the blog. Thanks!
I appreciate your advice and support and am very happy that you came out of "lurkdom" to comment!
I wanted to update you on the situation. I don't know why I wasn't invited but I am thinking that all the reasons you gave may be right. It wasn't my boyfriend's party to invite me to, it was his sister's and she will invite me when she is ready. It was a family party.
Thinking about it now, I am not sure if I would have been comfortable there. As much as I want to meet his sister and his family, I know that the right time will come and it will be great.
I think the real reason why I may not have been invited was a matter of scheduling. I work until 6 and wouldn't have been able to get there until 7. The party was over by 8.
I have to admit that I was over the issue shortly after I wrote that blog and I never even mentioned it to my boyfriend. I realize that my boyfriend is a smart guy who loves me, and when he feels it is the right time for me to be more included in family events then he will invite me. For now, I just enjoy spending time with him. That's all I really need.
And don't worry Kas, you will be so lucky to find that special someone someday. It happened to me just when I thought I should give up. Hang in there! I'm there for you!
Thanks for reading!
Alison
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