Thursday, September 3, 2009

Trembling with Fear

I am terrified, worried, afraid, upset, sad sick, nauseated and confused.

A few months ago, I started getting little twitches in my arms and legs while falling asleep or laying down. I ignored it at first because it was manageable. But then I was getting no sleep at all after a while and I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me with Restless Legs Syndrome and he gave me an anti-convulsion medicine.

I took the medicine and I was happy that I could sleep at night but then the twitches started happening during the day, so at the next appointment, the doctor raised my dose.

I took the new higher dose and began having violent full body movements while sleeping. They occurred several times a night and would wake my boyfriend up but I would sleep right through them. The doctor told me I had to go on a sleep study but to remain on the same dose of medicine.

Last week, I began having tremors and seizures. First, my right hand will shake, like a person with Parkinson's Disease would have. Then my whole right side will tremble. Then I have a strong urge to lay down and then my entire body will go into seizure. Most of the seizures I don't remember, it is like I am unconscious. I went back to the doctor and he gave me a higher dose of my current medication as well as a new anti-seizure medicine.

I took the medicine as directed and went to work. I had a tremor at work. I don't think that it was a full on seizure because I remember the entire event and I usually don't when I have a seizure. But either way, it was horrible because it was a work, at a job that I just started on Monday. I was trying to hide the seizure thing from them because I work with kids and I didn't want to get fired. But that only lasted so long....in fact.... 4 days. Well they won't let me come back to work until i have a note from the neurologist saying that I am capable of driving and working with children.

I can't really worry about the job right now. I wasn't there that long and that isn't even what matters right now. What is important is my health. I am scared to death. The doctor did mention a possible seizure disorder. I just want it diagnosed. I don't want to continue taking these meds, that most of the time do not work, just to mask the symptoms. I want to know what is causing them and what the diagnosis is. I'm scared of it all but I will deal with it as it comes. I have to just trust that things will be ok. Thank goodness for me that I have a great family, boyfriend and friends that love and support me.

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