The End?

Last night, I went out with my boyfriend and a few friends. We were at the bar and having a good time for a little while until my boyfriend just left me at the bar alone to go talk to some girls across the room. He says that he was trying to find a lady for our single friend, but I can't be so sure. After a while of sitting alone with no one to talk to, which let me tell you is OH so much fun, I got bored and tired from a long day at work. My boyfriend noticed that I was losing steam but seemed mad about it. I told him that I wanted to go home but he was having such a good time that we wound up staying for another hour while I pretended to be happy and awake. After that hour, I really wanted to go home. I was exhausted. I have had insomnia for about three weeks so my energy level is low. I just wanted to lay down. I gave my boyfriend a few options because I know that he was having a good time and didn't want to take him away from him. I told him that I would drive home and then pick him up when he was ready or that he could drop me off and then go back. I really was fine with these options. If I wasn't I wouldn't have offered them. He decided that we would both just leave. When we get home, he is mad. He is angry that I took him away from his friends. But he wasn't just mad, he said some very hurtful things that I just can't get out of my head. He said that he was happy that I was in his life but happier when I wasn't around. He said I was selfish and needy because I wanted to spend so much time with him. Keep in mind that I don't live with him so I only see him on the weekends and the occasional weeknight, but apparently that is too much time for him to spend with me. It just really hurts.

This morning he acted like nothing was wrong. I wasn't feeling good and he tended to me and seemed concerned. I had to call out sick from work not just because I wasn't feeling good but also because I was still upset from last night but trying to hold it in around him. In hind sight, I wish I went to work to keep my mind off of it.

I know that we have both been frustrated about work and we could be taking it out on each other. I'd like to think that is all that it is but I may be fooling myself. I don't know. I just don't want to feel like this anymore but the thought of breaking up terrifies me. I do love him and I don't want it to end. At the same time, I just can't feel sad all the time and worried about whether he really wants to be with me.

I don't know if he even remembers what happened last night. This is the way it always happens with us. We get into a fight. He blames me and thinks he can do no wrong which makes me frustrated and angry. He says some hurtful things. Then the next day we don't talk about it, we just go on with our day and when we see each other again we are back in our happy world. Its like an abusive relationship with the honeymoon period.

I'm not being selfish but its not all my fault. I am not saying that I am not to blame for all of it. But it takes two people to be in a relationship and he is not perfect either, though he thinks he is.

I don't know what to do. I am confused, angry and hurt (again). Is this the end?