Illusion

Today was my Mom's birthday so the whole family went out to a nice dinner. As I sat at the table, I noticed that now I am the "loser " of the family.

My sister (formerly the loser of the group) now is engaged to a wonderful, smart and funny guy. He treats her like gold and takes her on romantic getaways. He accepts her and her five children with open arms and has made that group a family. My sister has been through two husbands who treated her like dirt and I am happy that she has found someone who treats her so kindly and puts her in the highest light. My sister just got promoted to manager of her store. She gets paid really well and has been able to support a large family on her new increased income.

My brother is dating a great girl that he met through work. They seem to really love each other. They make each other happy and can't keep their hands off each other. She is perfect for him and loves his little quirks, not many people do. My brother has a great job that he enjoys. He is treated incredibly well at work and even received a large bonus for Christmas. He loves his job and will probably stay there until retirement.

I am the middle child. I work at a daycare and I am lucky to make above minimum wage even though I have a college degree. It is a stressful position with little or no benefits or appreciation. I am the single one. Not only am I single, I don't have many friends around here since I just moved back. So often, my nights are spent watching television and hanging out with my parents....I am 28 years old.

At dinner tonight, conversation circled around relationships (and my lack of one). The excitement of the engagement, getting to know the new girlfriend. It was depressing for me. I know that they didn't mean to make me feel bad. People are interested in relationships and we all want to know the details. But I wish it wasn't the sole purpose of conversation. And when they aren't talking relationships they are talking about work (also not my strong point). Even when I tried to steer the conversation elsewhere, it still led back to these two items.

I wonder if one can be happy without both. Either one is single but has a great job or is taken but has a less than perfect job. In both my sibling's cases they have both, making it even harder for me, who has neither. Can I still find happiness without the man or is the man necessary for the illusion of happiness? Maybe that's all it is, an illusion. And if that's the case I can make my own image of happiness. Only thing is...will people believe it?