So You Had a Bad Week

I guess cause I have been single for a while, I forgot how hard being in a relationship can be. Especially when it is a new relationship, and you are trying to learn about one another but also trying to do all the right things so that you don't screw it up.

I am an emotional person. I always have been. I am usually really good at hiding those emotions and keeping it behind my closed bedroom door. I typically do not like to cry in front of people and if I am mad I usually will keep it in so that the other person doesn't think poorly of me.

This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me and I just could not hide it from my boyfriend, even though I really wanted to.

Tuesday I cried hysterical in front of him. It was a rough night and I got into a fight with a friend who gets angry when she is drunk. We are no longer friends and that is exactly how I want it after the way she acted. The thing is she is really good friends with my boyfriend and I don't want to put him in the middle of it all. I guess cause the night was so stressful I couldn't hold it in anymore and in the middle of the night I was hysterical crying in his arms. The next day, I realized that he saw me probably at my worst and was terrified of what he thought of me.

Wednesday night he said he wasn't feeling good and cancelled our dinner plans and I was disappointed and still wondering if he thought I was a horrible person from the night before.

Thursday night was wonderful. We had a very nice evening and the next day I was extremely happy.

Friday nights are always our going out nights. So I was looking forward to going out after work and relaxing with my boyfriend with a few drinks to go along with it. Then he cancelled our plans again saying he was sick. He always goes out on a Friday night. So it left me very confused. It also made me question his feelings and why he is pushing me away at times. We had a talk about it and things are okay now. But I still wonder about it. Did he lie to me and go out without me?

See, I am used to liars. All my boyfriends were liars so I have trouble trusting people. I don't think that he would lie to me about that but who knows.

I know that I am thinking way too much into this and I am sure that we will see each other tonight and everything will be just fine. But this whole week reminds me that I am not good at relationships and I have to work very hard at this one. Cause this one is a keeper and I refuse to lose him.