Engagement Envy

So, two of my friends this week got engaged (or are about to) and are buzzing with excitement as they should be. I am happy for them. They are both about to marry wonderful guys who treat them well and will live happily ever after.

Blah, blah, blah.

Yes I am happy for them. Really I am. But I started to notice just a little, itty bitty bit of jealousy starting to creep in.

See, my one friend, A, never had a boyfriend that lasted more than two weeks until this guy came along. And I am happy for her. But in college, she would find a guy and date him and break up with him for meaningless reasons like he didn't like to eat pancakes or he ate crackers in her bed. So needless to say we never thought that A would find a man that was worthy of her. She has high standards and this is not at all a bad thing. In fact, sometimes I wish I was as picky as she is, then maybe I wouldn't have moved to Maryland for a guy so quickly and therefore lost two years of my life. Anyway, in college, I was the opposite. I didn't have many boyfriends, but I could keep a man for a long term relationship. That is all I really have had is the long term relationship...its the short term dating that I have a problem with. I was willing to give a guy a chance and would accept his flaws and uniqueness, which is something A could not do.

Well, she found a man that she accepts. Fully accepts. Accepts his flaws and loves his unique qualities. This is HUGE growth for A and I am proud of her.

But I can't help but be jealous. No one thought that A would be the one to get married first. It's wonderful. It's great. It's exciting. I'm jealous.

Now that A is getting married, I will be the ONLY single girl out of all my friends. I will no longer have A to talk to for single girl advice and gripes. I will no longer be able to hang out with A for single girl fun. She will be just like the rest of them, living in suburbia with hubby, a house with a white-picket fence and a family to start. And leaving me alone. Now no matter who I hang out with of all of my friends, I will be the third wheel. I will be the only one unmarried and without children. I'm sad, depressed, jealous. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help but be thinking about what could have been in my life.

I know that I am not the only single person in the world. But singles in MY world are becoming few and far between and I am having trouble accepting my role as the ONLY single girl in my group. With time, I will get used to it, I'm sure or I could be hopeful that one day it will be my day to announce my engagement, I just don't want to get my hopes up.