And The Oscar Goes To....

My boss can be an intimidating person. I guess it would be more of a passive intimidation, if there is such a thing. She comes off as being sweet but if she has ever had to talk to you about something, it comes off as an attack. There is no talking but rather she will blame you for everything that went wrong and will turn it around on you even if it is her fault. I try to avoid having any serious, major, sit down conversations with her for this reason.

The last time we "talked" she mentioned my lack of passion at my job. I didn't deny this...in fact she hit the nail right on the head. I admitted to it and was hoping that she would be supportive and maybe give a little bit of advice. Instead she reprimanded me and wrote me up for not having passion for this profession anymore. She even went as far to say that if my passion for teaching didn't return that she would have to let me go. So, needless to say that I am scared to talk to her about anything relating to this subject for fear that it may cause me to get fired.

Since that last conversation about a month ago, I have faked my way through work, pretending to be happy to be there when inside I am loathing the existence of the school and wanting to quit. I should be awarded an Oscar since I got a note from my boss today thanking me for rekindling my love for teaching.

It's funny to me that the thank you note from her came the day before I was going to talk to her about returning to school for a career change. I want to apply for a criminal justice program and I need an letter of reference from her to send my application in. I was terrified to ask her for it before since she may just attack me for it, but now I am even more afraid to go since she feels that I now love my job.

I know that I still need to talk to her about it. And I hope that she would be supportive. I know that if this is what I want to do then no one should stop me. Keep the dream alive!

I'll let you know if I get fired for hating my job.