Passion Lost

I think that I am ready for a career change. I am just not happy doing what I am doing.

It's sad really. I am good at my job. Some have told me that I am great at my job. The parents, children and my co-workers often compliment me on my good work , creative projects I have done and the lessons I do with the children. The kids like "Miss Alison" because she makes learning fun. When I go out and tell others what I do, they light up with how "rewarding" of a job it is and say how much I must love it. Problem is, I am starting to hate it. I am losing my passion to teach young children. And once one has lost their passion for any profession, it makes the work difficult.

I have thought about how I would like to start a new career. I have always wanted to do forensic science. I get very excited thinking about how great it would be to work in a lab and help solve crimes. At the same time, it frightens me to even think about all the change that needs to occur for this career change to happen. Going back to school later in life for a career that I may not like scares me, not to mention the costs of higher education and time away from work to pursue it. Also, I have been researching and not many schools around here offer forensic science as a major. Many offer criminal justice, but I am not sure if that is the right path. I am in need of a career counselor or college advisor to figure that out.

I'm not sure what I want to do. I could remain at my current position and be unhappy. I could just accept that I am a preschool teacher and hope that my passion rekindles. Or, I could go back to school to try something new and hope that I like it. Maybe just trying it out would make me feel better so that I don't regret it later in life.

I don't like change. Change scares me. I wish it could just go smoothly. I wish the answers could come easy.

Stop Looking Already

I got some dating advice (again) tonight. My friend said that when you stop looking the right one will come to you. Everyone has heard this saying before. But what he said is that you have to be honest about it. You REALLY can't be looking....AT ALL. You almost have to push people away, the right one will stay even though you are pushing them out.

I think that he may be right but that is SO hard. If a guy asked me out right now, I am jumping at the opportunity since I have had ZERO dates in a year and a half. So I would take that opportunity and run. He said that when dating you must be equal parts playing hard to get and being available. So you must make yourself available but you have to be in control of it. Don't be available all the time. Reject the guy a couple of times then make yourself available to him. This is hard advice to follow when you are looking for a man. But see above, if you aren't looking it's easy to do this. Nothing that is achieved cheaply is valued in the end.

My friend said that the way to get guys to approach you is to make yourself the center of attention (in a good way) no matter where you are. You want to be the one that everyone wants to hang out with. You have to become "that girl" as opposed to just "some girl". See, I feel that I do this. Maybe not everywhere I go, but for the most part if I am hanging out with my friends, I don't care what any one else is doing, I am having a good time. It's just for me that no one is approaching me and I don't understand why.

I think that the advice that my friend gave me is true. It's just applying it that is hard. I think that I will invest a little more in myself so that I can forget about being single for a while. Maybe then, when I am not looking, the right one will come along.

He's Just Not That Into You

He's just not that into you. Story of my life.

Apparently, and I am totally just guessing and overanalyzing here, but apparently my current little crush does not have a crush on me back. After talking / texting on a semi-daily basis for the past two months, he has suddenly fallen off the face of the planet and I have not heard from him in about a week.

Overanalyzing....maybe. Overreacting...perhaps. But it still leaves me confused.

So indulge me in my little crazy overanalyzing cause y'all know that I'm going to do it anyway.

Is it that he is just busy or is he really not that into me? He seems flirty when we are together and we get along just fine. We were talking on a semi-daily basis until this...nothingness. Is he on the other end thinking the same things about me...that I fell off the face of earth and am not that into him?

So, what does a girl do? Should I call him tomorrow and give it one last chance to re-spark, or do I just leave it be as if it doesn't really matter to me? I don't want him to think that I am not interested in him (even though he is showing that he is not interested at all in me). Those of you that know me know that I am not one to give up. I have been known to wait years for a guy to come around (which isn't necessarily a good thing).

Obviously I am not good at this dating thing and starting (and well keeping) relationships, so if you are reading this and you have any input, PLEASE help. I am getting tired of being single...not that I am trying to force anything, but I would like to get into the dating game rather than sitting on the sidelines.

Playing the Slots?

My friend recently gave me this dating advice. Her brother used to work security at a casino. He has a world of great casino advice, but at the top of the list is this: go to the slot that hasn't been used in awhile. The slot machines that people walk away from, aren't paying out. The machines that haven't been touched in awhile, for whatever reason, seem pay out when you walk up to them. When you're at a machine that seemed like it's gonna pay out, but doesn't, or has paid out, but stops, walk away. Try another machine.

A part of me wants to agree with her. You have to know when to keep putting change in and when to walk away. But I also feel that sometimes, people give up too quickly and that persistence can pay off. When dating, I feel that it all depends on the situation. Some walk away just when the guy was getting warmed up to the idea of dating you.

What I am saying is that it often takes time to get to know one another. And usually you are getting to know each other through a friendship and casual flirting. To give up just at the point when he is starting to get to know the real you is a loss and your persistence may pay off.

In other situations they are just blowing sunshine up your ass and they really want nothing to do with dating you but don't want to hurt your feelings by saying no.

I'm one to not give up. I am one to chase a guy that I liked in high school for over 5 years. I had a crush on him that just wouldn't go away. In college, he decided that he had feelings for me too that grew over time and we dated. Who cares that we broke up 3 years later. My point is that my persistence paid off and he did date me cause I didn't give up.

I feel that you can keep pursuing and he may still continue to reject you. But isn't part of the fun the pursuit. And why not keep chasing so long as it's still fun to you.

Keep putting the change in, eventually the slot will pay out.

My Twinkie

I have a friend named Angie. She is someone I met in college while living in the dorms. We have grown to be great friends, sisters really. I call her my "twinkie" cause when we were in college people used to think that we were twins. We kinda look alike and were ALWAYS hanging out together. We could look at each other and know what the other was thinking (this has freaked out several of Angie's dates...our non-verbal communication skills are unmatched!)

I love this girl. She is my sister. She is my twin. She is always there for me no matter what, even if this means that she drives from Ohio getting two speeding tickets in the process because she knew I needed her to be there for me. When I am sad or depressed, Angie always knows the right things to say (or not to say). I know that she will love me no matter what and not judge me. It is unconditional love....like a twin would have for her sister.

My point in writing this is that all one needs are great friends to get by. Recently, when I was upset and missing my ex, Angie knew what I needed...someone to listen and to share advice and to get my mind off of it by making me smile.

I can't imagine life without my friends, no matter how far away they are in distance, they remain close to me in my heart.

Thanks Twinkie for all that you do! I love you!

The Next Step

I am not really experienced in dating. So when it comes to online dating, I am clueless.

I am particularly clueless about the timing of things when it comes to online dating. I have been talking to this one guy through email for over a month. I have become very interested in him and would like to go to the next step. I emailed him my phone number about a week ago. He hasn't called but we continue to communicate through email on a semi-daily basis. The emails are wonderful. I look forward to reading them everyday. We even call each other cutesy names like "sweetie" and "baby".

So why won't he call me?

I used to be afraid of meeting the guys from the online world, but with him it is different. I can't wait to meet him. I look forward to that day. There are still things I worry about with meeting him but for the most part I am excited for it. Maybe he's not.

I don't understand if he is just scared to make the next step or if he just wan't to take things really slow. If he isn't interested in me wouldn't he have stopped emailing me by now? If he doesn't want to go further than emails then why is he on an online dating site to begin with?

I am mostly just confused by it. I will continue to email him because I love talking to him. I just wish I knew what to do next.