There was only one thing that I told my boyfriend that I wanted to do on my 30th birthday weekend....go bowling. I have been wanting to go bowling for months and after many times being promised this activity I thought that I would be able to actually be given it on my birthday.
My boyfriend did say during the week that he would take me bowling on Saturday before taking me out for some drinks. When the Saturday came, he told me that he didn't feel like bowling and just wanted to go to the bar. This was very disappointing to me. I was upset and a bit sad. I only wanted to do ONE thing on my birthday and now I wasn't even going to get to do it. We went to a bar but I was in such a poopy mood that I didn't even enjoy myself. And the only way my boyfriend could cheer me up was to take me to my favorite place to play pool...and even then I wasn't fully happy.
In the midst of traveling between bars and home, my brother texted me to find out how I did bowling. He knew how excited I was to go bowling and couldn't wait to hear all about it. When he found out that we didn't go bowling simply because my boyfriend didn't feel like it anymore, my brother became angry and told me that I deserve a better boyfriend than the one I have.
My brother took me (and my boyfriend) out bowling the next day but it was a little awkward for the two of them. I, however, had a blast. I love bowling...and I got to do what I wanted on my birthday after all, even if it wasn't my boyfriend who planned it for me.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Passion Lost
I think that I am ready for a career change. I am just not happy doing what I am doing.
It's sad really. I am good at my job. Some have told me that I am great at my job. The parents, children and my co-workers often compliment me on my good work , creative projects I have done and the lessons I do with the children. The kids like "Miss Alison" because she makes learning fun. When I go out and tell others what I do, they light up with how "rewarding" of a job it is and say how much I must love it. Problem is, I am starting to hate it. I am losing my passion to teach young children. And once one has lost their passion for any profession, it makes the work difficult.
I have thought about how I would like to start a new career. I have always wanted to do forensic science. I get very excited thinking about how great it would be to work in a lab and help solve crimes. At the same time, it frightens me to even think about all the change that needs to occur for this career change to happen. Going back to school later in life for a career that I may not like scares me, not to mention the costs of higher education and time away from work to pursue it. Also, I have been researching and not many schools around here offer forensic science as a major. Many offer criminal justice, but I am not sure if that is the right path. I am in need of a career counselor or college advisor to figure that out.
I'm not sure what I want to do. I could remain at my current position and be unhappy. I could just accept that I am a preschool teacher and hope that my passion rekindles. Or, I could go back to school to try something new and hope that I like it. Maybe just trying it out would make me feel better so that I don't regret it later in life.
I don't like change. Change scares me. I wish it could just go smoothly. I wish the answers could come easy.
It's sad really. I am good at my job. Some have told me that I am great at my job. The parents, children and my co-workers often compliment me on my good work , creative projects I have done and the lessons I do with the children. The kids like "Miss Alison" because she makes learning fun. When I go out and tell others what I do, they light up with how "rewarding" of a job it is and say how much I must love it. Problem is, I am starting to hate it. I am losing my passion to teach young children. And once one has lost their passion for any profession, it makes the work difficult.
I have thought about how I would like to start a new career. I have always wanted to do forensic science. I get very excited thinking about how great it would be to work in a lab and help solve crimes. At the same time, it frightens me to even think about all the change that needs to occur for this career change to happen. Going back to school later in life for a career that I may not like scares me, not to mention the costs of higher education and time away from work to pursue it. Also, I have been researching and not many schools around here offer forensic science as a major. Many offer criminal justice, but I am not sure if that is the right path. I am in need of a career counselor or college advisor to figure that out.
I'm not sure what I want to do. I could remain at my current position and be unhappy. I could just accept that I am a preschool teacher and hope that my passion rekindles. Or, I could go back to school to try something new and hope that I like it. Maybe just trying it out would make me feel better so that I don't regret it later in life.
I don't like change. Change scares me. I wish it could just go smoothly. I wish the answers could come easy.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Quotations
"I love you more than I love them," he said as we stood in an embrace in his dark living room. Those words made all the troubles that we go through melt away. Hearing that made me realize that everything, with love, will work out just fine. Just have faith.
"When we get married, I am going to smear the cake icing all over your face," he said as we were driving home last night. Excuse me.....what? Did you say "When" not "If". Oh hooray! He is actually thinking of the future and he wants me to be a part of it. It makes me happy and relieved that he will be a part of my life forever. It's comforting and exciting.
I realized last night that my boyfriend is thinking of this relationship as more than just a "dating" situation and more of a long term committed relationship. It makes me feel more secure and much happier to know that he feels the same as I do. I smile just thinking about it.
:)
"When we get married, I am going to smear the cake icing all over your face," he said as we were driving home last night. Excuse me.....what? Did you say "When" not "If". Oh hooray! He is actually thinking of the future and he wants me to be a part of it. It makes me happy and relieved that he will be a part of my life forever. It's comforting and exciting.
I realized last night that my boyfriend is thinking of this relationship as more than just a "dating" situation and more of a long term committed relationship. It makes me feel more secure and much happier to know that he feels the same as I do. I smile just thinking about it.
:)
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Someday
After our little scare, all is clear and well. The test came back negative. I have to say that I am very relieved and a little disappointed. Relieved because we were not ready for this emotionally, financially or in any way what so ever. And disappointed because I guess I was kinda getting used to the idea of being a mommy. I know that it worked out for the best and I am happy about that and I am sure that the right time will come when I will become a mommy. That time is just not now.
I did learn a lot about my boyfriend through this experience. Last night, I told him that I was late for my period. He was so supportive. He said "All you have to do is take the test and I will handle the rest." He told me that if I was pregnant that he would want to raise the child together and even offered to marry me. I explained to him that I want him to marry me because he wants to and not because he has to. He was super supportive and calm throughout the whole thing, even when I was not. He made me feel better about the situation and that everything was going to be okay not matter what the results were today.
I took the test in the bathroom at work and since it was a negative, I texted him the results. He seemed relieved about the outcome and even said "Congrats" to me. About a half hour later, I realized that I wasn't that happy and even got teary eyed. I wrote him back and said "I thought I would be ecstatic but instead I am blah". He agreed and thought that it was because we realized how easily this can happen even with all the protection that we use and that the next time the outcome may be different. I think it was because after his support last night, I accepted the fact that I may be pregnant. I was getting used to the idea and even was starting to like it. As dumb as that is, when we are unmarried, without houses of our own and have little money.
Some day we will be parents, and when it is meant to happen it will. And I know that when that time comes, we will be more prepared and ready to handle whatever life hands to us.
I did learn a lot about my boyfriend through this experience. Last night, I told him that I was late for my period. He was so supportive. He said "All you have to do is take the test and I will handle the rest." He told me that if I was pregnant that he would want to raise the child together and even offered to marry me. I explained to him that I want him to marry me because he wants to and not because he has to. He was super supportive and calm throughout the whole thing, even when I was not. He made me feel better about the situation and that everything was going to be okay not matter what the results were today.
I took the test in the bathroom at work and since it was a negative, I texted him the results. He seemed relieved about the outcome and even said "Congrats" to me. About a half hour later, I realized that I wasn't that happy and even got teary eyed. I wrote him back and said "I thought I would be ecstatic but instead I am blah". He agreed and thought that it was because we realized how easily this can happen even with all the protection that we use and that the next time the outcome may be different. I think it was because after his support last night, I accepted the fact that I may be pregnant. I was getting used to the idea and even was starting to like it. As dumb as that is, when we are unmarried, without houses of our own and have little money.
Some day we will be parents, and when it is meant to happen it will. And I know that when that time comes, we will be more prepared and ready to handle whatever life hands to us.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Late
I am 5 days late for my period. I am scared out of my mind.
I have never been this late before. I haven't taken a test...yet. I feel like I should at least brace my boyfriend of this before dropping the bomb on him. And it could be entirely possible that the test if false.
I haven't taken a test yet because I am scared to. I am not sure if I am ready to know the results. I know that I am not young and it is perfectly acceptable now-a-days to have children out of wedlock. I am just not ready for it. I was hoping to at least be in this relationship for longer before children were introduced.
I know that my boyfriend will be supportive. We have actually had this conversation before about the what-ifs.
I am worried. I am scared. But I am sure that it will all work out as God plans it to....I hope.
I have never been this late before. I haven't taken a test...yet. I feel like I should at least brace my boyfriend of this before dropping the bomb on him. And it could be entirely possible that the test if false.
I haven't taken a test yet because I am scared to. I am not sure if I am ready to know the results. I know that I am not young and it is perfectly acceptable now-a-days to have children out of wedlock. I am just not ready for it. I was hoping to at least be in this relationship for longer before children were introduced.
I know that my boyfriend will be supportive. We have actually had this conversation before about the what-ifs.
I am worried. I am scared. But I am sure that it will all work out as God plans it to....I hope.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Unwanted Attention
Last night, my boyfriend and I went to our favorite local watering hole to watch our friend, who I call "Glitter Bug", sing karaoke. We had an absolutely amazingly fun time.
There was one point during the evening that I was sitting at the bar alone. My boyfriend and Glitter Bug went outside for some fresh air. I am comfortable at this bar so it didn't bother me to be sitting there alone. I am enjoying my drink and people watching when the bartender taps me on the shoulder and points down to the other end of the bar to a guy who then waves me to come over. I wasn't sure why he was waving me over, I thought that I knew him from somewhere or something. I sit down next to him and he offers to buy me a drink. I ask him "On what conditions?" He said that he was hoping that if he bought me a drink that I would kiss or make out with him. I laughed and said "That is not going to happen." He asked me who I was there with and I told him straight out "My boyfriend and my friend." He gets all mad and says "You were going to let me buy you a drink when you have a boyfriend!" Actually I never accepted his drink offer. I questioned it from the very beginning. Then, he gives me his phone number (which I didn't ask for) and says that when, not if, I break up with my boyfriend to give him a call. This guy was getting a little close and touched my leg when I boyfriend walked in from outside. My boyfriend came over and started talking to us and then gave me an excuse to leave that situation.
Throughout the night the guy who hit on me kept staring at me, waving to me and winking. It made me really uncomfortable. On our way out of the bar, the guy and his friend followed us out and touched me on the back. I hated it! I was very uncomfortable but didn't know what to do.
I know that it was my fault for sitting down next to the guy but I knew that I had back up if he tried anything really tricky. I am a pretty smart chick so I knew not to accept his drink unless I saw it being made by the bartender and I knew not to give him my phone number. I also knew that this guy was going to get his ass kicked it he tried anything...Glitter Bug is a 250 lb. guy, and he will kick ass if he needs to. My boyfriend is also not a small guy. I also knew two of the bartenders who would bounce this guy out of there if needed. So I knew I would be protected, and thankfully I didn't need to be. But I still wish that I slapped the guy when he touched me or screamed at him or did something to defend myself and my body more.
Am I being too overprotective of myself? Also, I don't want my boyfriend to think that I sought out this guy or think that I wanted his phone number. What should I have done in this situation?
(And why is it that guys always hit on you once you are taken but never when you are available?)
There was one point during the evening that I was sitting at the bar alone. My boyfriend and Glitter Bug went outside for some fresh air. I am comfortable at this bar so it didn't bother me to be sitting there alone. I am enjoying my drink and people watching when the bartender taps me on the shoulder and points down to the other end of the bar to a guy who then waves me to come over. I wasn't sure why he was waving me over, I thought that I knew him from somewhere or something. I sit down next to him and he offers to buy me a drink. I ask him "On what conditions?" He said that he was hoping that if he bought me a drink that I would kiss or make out with him. I laughed and said "That is not going to happen." He asked me who I was there with and I told him straight out "My boyfriend and my friend." He gets all mad and says "You were going to let me buy you a drink when you have a boyfriend!" Actually I never accepted his drink offer. I questioned it from the very beginning. Then, he gives me his phone number (which I didn't ask for) and says that when, not if, I break up with my boyfriend to give him a call. This guy was getting a little close and touched my leg when I boyfriend walked in from outside. My boyfriend came over and started talking to us and then gave me an excuse to leave that situation.
Throughout the night the guy who hit on me kept staring at me, waving to me and winking. It made me really uncomfortable. On our way out of the bar, the guy and his friend followed us out and touched me on the back. I hated it! I was very uncomfortable but didn't know what to do.
I know that it was my fault for sitting down next to the guy but I knew that I had back up if he tried anything really tricky. I am a pretty smart chick so I knew not to accept his drink unless I saw it being made by the bartender and I knew not to give him my phone number. I also knew that this guy was going to get his ass kicked it he tried anything...Glitter Bug is a 250 lb. guy, and he will kick ass if he needs to. My boyfriend is also not a small guy. I also knew two of the bartenders who would bounce this guy out of there if needed. So I knew I would be protected, and thankfully I didn't need to be. But I still wish that I slapped the guy when he touched me or screamed at him or did something to defend myself and my body more.
Am I being too overprotective of myself? Also, I don't want my boyfriend to think that I sought out this guy or think that I wanted his phone number. What should I have done in this situation?
(And why is it that guys always hit on you once you are taken but never when you are available?)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Uninvited
Today is the birthday of my boyfriend's sister and they are having a family party at her house.
I wasn't invited. And it hurts my feelings. I am not sure if it should hurt my feelings but it does.
My boyfriend, in the short amount of time we have been dating, has been invited to three family birthday parties. He attended one of them even though he said that he was going to come to all of them. But its the invite that counts. He has been invited to three and I haven't been invited to one.
It hurts my feelings. He has been included as a part of my family already and I have not been accepted as part of his. And a part of me wishes that he would fight for me more on this issue with his family but maybe he isn't ready for me to be included in family events yet. It still hurts. I was hoping all day for a call or text telling me the details of meeting for this event but I got nothing. I am hurt. I don't know if I'd ever tell him that and I don't even know if it is right to feel this way, but I am still sad about it.
I wasn't invited. And it hurts my feelings. I am not sure if it should hurt my feelings but it does.
My boyfriend, in the short amount of time we have been dating, has been invited to three family birthday parties. He attended one of them even though he said that he was going to come to all of them. But its the invite that counts. He has been invited to three and I haven't been invited to one.
It hurts my feelings. He has been included as a part of my family already and I have not been accepted as part of his. And a part of me wishes that he would fight for me more on this issue with his family but maybe he isn't ready for me to be included in family events yet. It still hurts. I was hoping all day for a call or text telling me the details of meeting for this event but I got nothing. I am hurt. I don't know if I'd ever tell him that and I don't even know if it is right to feel this way, but I am still sad about it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
