Standing Alone

I went to a holiday party tonight and I realized that I have a bit of social anxiety. Actually I have always known this but I think it is maybe getting worse.

I can be a very confident girl....sometimes. So this doesn't make much sense to me. Also, this was a party where I was around several friends. It was a huge party and I didn't know everyone but at the very least I knew ten people there. But I still was uncomfortable. I am just not fully myself at these things and I don't really know how to get over this.

I often feel left out at these things. There were several times tonight that I stood there alone while others were having conversations. Why couldn't I just join them in conversation instead of standing there? There were times I wanted to dance but just didn't have the courage to ask someone to dance with me.

I have always been awkward in big social situations like this but I never used to go to many so I would just suck it up once a year. But now that I go to several a year, I would like to enjoy myself a bit more.

Is there anything I can do to come more out of my shell or is this so ingrained in me that it will never change?