Happy New Year!
I will be ringing in the new year with the people who got me through the year...my friends. These are friends that I just met this year through dance class, but I already know that these are people that I want in my life.
So we single people will be hanging out together when the ball drops.
There will be no kiss at the stroke of midnight for me, but there will be lots of friendly hugs and love.
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Standing Alone
I went to a holiday party tonight and I realized that I have a bit of social anxiety. Actually I have always known this but I think it is maybe getting worse.
I can be a very confident girl....sometimes. So this doesn't make much sense to me. Also, this was a party where I was around several friends. It was a huge party and I didn't know everyone but at the very least I knew ten people there. But I still was uncomfortable. I am just not fully myself at these things and I don't really know how to get over this.
I often feel left out at these things. There were several times tonight that I stood there alone while others were having conversations. Why couldn't I just join them in conversation instead of standing there? There were times I wanted to dance but just didn't have the courage to ask someone to dance with me.
I have always been awkward in big social situations like this but I never used to go to many so I would just suck it up once a year. But now that I go to several a year, I would like to enjoy myself a bit more.
Is there anything I can do to come more out of my shell or is this so ingrained in me that it will never change?
I can be a very confident girl....sometimes. So this doesn't make much sense to me. Also, this was a party where I was around several friends. It was a huge party and I didn't know everyone but at the very least I knew ten people there. But I still was uncomfortable. I am just not fully myself at these things and I don't really know how to get over this.
I often feel left out at these things. There were several times tonight that I stood there alone while others were having conversations. Why couldn't I just join them in conversation instead of standing there? There were times I wanted to dance but just didn't have the courage to ask someone to dance with me.
I have always been awkward in big social situations like this but I never used to go to many so I would just suck it up once a year. But now that I go to several a year, I would like to enjoy myself a bit more.
Is there anything I can do to come more out of my shell or is this so ingrained in me that it will never change?
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Love Being Single
Being single doesn't mean I have to have a downer of a Christmas. Here are some of the reasons why I am happy to be single during the holidays.
1) I can spend my money how I want to. Which means that I can get my family and friends special gifts and even buy myself something a little something. And if I want to splurge on extra gifts for my dog, no one is going to criticize me for it.
2) I can spend my time how I wish. Which means I can go to any holiday party I want to and I don't have to drag someone with me who doesn't want to go. I can also spend all my time with my family and friends on the holiday. I won't have to split time between families or spend time with in-laws that I really don't like. I also won't have to spend hours at the mall trying to find the perfect gift. And it does take hours, sometimes more, because I am a horrible gift giver. And this way, all my thoughts can be put to thinking up gifts for my loved ones and not for a boyfriend.
3) I have the right to flirt. At said holiday parties, I won't have to stick like glue to someone who doesn't know anyone there. I can mingle. And most of all, I can flirt. With anyone and everyone if I want to and not feel at all guilty. I can (and most likely will) flirt with every hottie there and not even care what the outcome will be. I will make it my goal to be THE girl at the party instead of just a girl at the party.
4) Being unmarried means that I will get gifts that are meant for me, and not for the house or the couple. Which means instead of getting towels or an appliance for Christmas, I will be unwrapping a sweater or shoes (and we all know how I LOVE shoes!)
5) I have the right to be selfish if I want to be. Which means if I want something for myself I can make it happen. I can buy myself extra gifts with the money I saved from not buying that gift for the boyfriend (Hello new ballroom dancing shoes!) All my goals for 2009 can be completely about me and not satisfying a significant other. Which means I can go back to school or find a new job or dedicate my free time to a hobby of mine. And I do plan on doing all of that and more because I can!
Would it be nice to have someone to kiss under the mistletoe? Of course. But I won't let that put a damper on my holiday. Maybe I can kiss several guys, who knows. The possibilities are endless.
Happy Holidays! Enjoy!
1) I can spend my money how I want to. Which means that I can get my family and friends special gifts and even buy myself something a little something. And if I want to splurge on extra gifts for my dog, no one is going to criticize me for it.
2) I can spend my time how I wish. Which means I can go to any holiday party I want to and I don't have to drag someone with me who doesn't want to go. I can also spend all my time with my family and friends on the holiday. I won't have to split time between families or spend time with in-laws that I really don't like. I also won't have to spend hours at the mall trying to find the perfect gift. And it does take hours, sometimes more, because I am a horrible gift giver. And this way, all my thoughts can be put to thinking up gifts for my loved ones and not for a boyfriend.
3) I have the right to flirt. At said holiday parties, I won't have to stick like glue to someone who doesn't know anyone there. I can mingle. And most of all, I can flirt. With anyone and everyone if I want to and not feel at all guilty. I can (and most likely will) flirt with every hottie there and not even care what the outcome will be. I will make it my goal to be THE girl at the party instead of just a girl at the party.
4) Being unmarried means that I will get gifts that are meant for me, and not for the house or the couple. Which means instead of getting towels or an appliance for Christmas, I will be unwrapping a sweater or shoes (and we all know how I LOVE shoes!)
5) I have the right to be selfish if I want to be. Which means if I want something for myself I can make it happen. I can buy myself extra gifts with the money I saved from not buying that gift for the boyfriend (Hello new ballroom dancing shoes!) All my goals for 2009 can be completely about me and not satisfying a significant other. Which means I can go back to school or find a new job or dedicate my free time to a hobby of mine. And I do plan on doing all of that and more because I can!
Would it be nice to have someone to kiss under the mistletoe? Of course. But I won't let that put a damper on my holiday. Maybe I can kiss several guys, who knows. The possibilities are endless.
Happy Holidays! Enjoy!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Diagnose
I've been really down this past week. It probably has been brewing for a while but I'm definitely feeling it the past few days.
As you know, I haven't been feeling well for over a month. I put my trust in doctors and I have pretty good ones. But I have lost my faith in them a bit. After feeling like crap since August, they still don't know what is wrong. And now my symptoms are changing. It used to just be dizziness so they diagnosed me with vertigo. Now, I am so tired that I am sleeping over 11 hours a night and still not waking up feeling rested. What is going on with my body? I am frustrated, tired, and scared and no one is helping. The doctors don't know what is wrong or how to treat. My mom keeps pushing me to go back to work and I feel like I lost some of the new local friends I made before the sickness. I have been home with little social interaction for 6 weeks now. I just want to feel back to normal.
Feeling sick is enough to put someone into a funk. Being isolated and disconnected from the world can push someone into a depression.
And then there is jealousy.
My brother moved into a new apartment a few weeks ago and I am COMPLETELY jealous. I want nothing more than to move out of my Mom's house and into a place all my own. Oooooh...my own place...privacy...quiet...being able to walk around naked. It is a dream of mine. One that will never come true. But my brother is living my dream. His place is beautiful and it reminds me of the times I was out living life on my own. I am jealous. And the jealousy has made me a little depressed.
The holidays are coming up. It's the most wonderful time of the year. I want it to be a happy holiday. I know that it won't be for my family. It will be the first Christmas without my Dad. Is it wrong of me to want a happy holiday when my family will be sad about the loss of my Dad? I feel like it is wrong for even wanting to celebrate it. But I want to...I want to celebrate it and be happy and go shopping and decorate and enjoy the most wonderful time of the year without feeling guilty about it. I don't think that is going to happen this year and it makes me sad that I have to pretend to be sadder than I really am because my family is in a down period.
What do I need to do to get out of this funk? :(
As you know, I haven't been feeling well for over a month. I put my trust in doctors and I have pretty good ones. But I have lost my faith in them a bit. After feeling like crap since August, they still don't know what is wrong. And now my symptoms are changing. It used to just be dizziness so they diagnosed me with vertigo. Now, I am so tired that I am sleeping over 11 hours a night and still not waking up feeling rested. What is going on with my body? I am frustrated, tired, and scared and no one is helping. The doctors don't know what is wrong or how to treat. My mom keeps pushing me to go back to work and I feel like I lost some of the new local friends I made before the sickness. I have been home with little social interaction for 6 weeks now. I just want to feel back to normal.
Feeling sick is enough to put someone into a funk. Being isolated and disconnected from the world can push someone into a depression.
And then there is jealousy.
My brother moved into a new apartment a few weeks ago and I am COMPLETELY jealous. I want nothing more than to move out of my Mom's house and into a place all my own. Oooooh...my own place...privacy...quiet...being able to walk around naked. It is a dream of mine. One that will never come true. But my brother is living my dream. His place is beautiful and it reminds me of the times I was out living life on my own. I am jealous. And the jealousy has made me a little depressed.
The holidays are coming up. It's the most wonderful time of the year. I want it to be a happy holiday. I know that it won't be for my family. It will be the first Christmas without my Dad. Is it wrong of me to want a happy holiday when my family will be sad about the loss of my Dad? I feel like it is wrong for even wanting to celebrate it. But I want to...I want to celebrate it and be happy and go shopping and decorate and enjoy the most wonderful time of the year without feeling guilty about it. I don't think that is going to happen this year and it makes me sad that I have to pretend to be sadder than I really am because my family is in a down period.
What do I need to do to get out of this funk? :(
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