Dance the Night Away

I started ballroom dancing lesson. SO MUCH FUN! I love the classes, love the people, love the dancing.

I was really happy about going to class until Monday. I had my individual one on one class...which was awesome. But after we had a group class, where I was one of the only single girls there (there was one other single woman there and the rest were all couples.)

I love going to dance class because when I am there, I don't feel different or single. It is me and my dance instructor in my own perfect dancing world where I am enjoying myself and learning something new in a place where no one is judging me. Then group class came and while the couples were dancing I sat on the sidelines and watched or had to dance with the female instructor. I am sure that no one there was judging me or even looking at me like I was different but I couldn't help but feel that way. It put me into a more depressed mood for the last few days, where before dance class always put me on a high for a while. I have another class tomorrow and I am not as excited for it as I was before.

I understand that I decided to take up a hobby that is meant for couples. I just never felt alone while I was there until then. I am sure that I am the only one that would feel that way after a group class but I just can't help it. Hopefully, individual class tomorrow will bring back my happy spirits about dance.

Depressed

I can't hide my depression anymore. I was good about faking happiness for a while but now its getting pretty difficult to act.

I don't know what to do. I am seeking help. I have made an appointment with a psychologist.

There is so much that depresses me and gets me down. I hate myself. I don't trust the decisions I make because most of the decisions I have made were the wrong ones.

I moved back to New Jersey to be happy. I'm not happy. I lived in Maryland...I wasn't happy. I had a great boyfriend...I wasn't happy. I'm never happy. This leads me to believe that I will not be happy no matter what, so why bother trying.

I miss my ex-boyfriend. I miss him terribly and often times I feel like if I had him in my life even as only a friend that my life would be happier. It's hard. Everything I do, or see, or read reminds me of him. Constant reminders of him. How can I get over him when I can't get him out of my mind?

I wish I had friends here. I left my friends in West Virginia and Maryland. My friends from New Jersey have all moved away since college and the only thing I have here is family but what if thats not enough.

I am lonely. I sit at home with my parents almost every night. I have no one to go out with. And tonight my brother said "how can you meet another boyfriend when you never go out". Am I supposed to go out alone with out friends? The sad part is that most times I don't want another boyfriend. I am not over my last boyfriend and I am not sure if I am the girlfriend or marriage type. I would like to move out of my house and I feel like I would do much more if I wasn't living with my parents getting constantly judged for what I do (or don't do)

It's too much for me to handle. With all this, who wouldn't be depressed?

My Phone Date

Am I not worthy of a man who is NORMAL?

So, I had a phone date with John, a guy I met online. First of all, he didn't call until 11:30 at night, after I had emailed him asking why he didn't call (actually I wrote.."You never called tonight...should have known"). So I answer the phone and he admits that he forgot to call me, forgot all about me. Excuse me? Why would you admit that? So, I am not even in a relationship with him and he already makes me feel like crap by forgetting me.

Anyway, conversation was weak. I had to keep prompting conversation so that it would keep going. Because of this, I got bored easily. The only time he kept the talk moving was when he wanted to talk about sex. I understand that sex is an important part in any relationship, however, do we need to talk about sex before I even know what you do for a living or how many siblings you have? He even asked me if I wore a one piece bathing suit or a two piece. Who asks this in the first 10 minutes of talking with someone...and he got disappointed when I told him I wore a one piece.

Are all guys freaks or do I just attract these lovely individuals? Is there anyone out there who wants to get to know me without picturing me naked within the first two minutes of meeting?

Should I just stop now before I get really frustrated? Is this a lost cause?

Read, Deleted

I just don't get it.

I may not be the hottest, sexiest or skinniest girl out there, but I am not ugly by any means. I have lots of personality and am easy to talk to and get along with.

Why then, has every guy on these online dating sites ignored me? All my sent messages are "read, deleted". I don't get it. What is so unattractive about a 29 year old woman , who has a decent job, a sense of humor and a knowledge of the game of football? Apparently I am not a good catch. This I don't get. I understand that not every person out there is going to be attracted to me, but not one guy on there is....NOT ONE! Come on.

Then, just when I was about to delete my profile from this silly site, a guy named John wrote me. He was nice and interesting. Conversations went so well that he wanted to call me tonight. So I foolishly gave him my number, finally thinking that this will go somewhere. He never called.

Why the runaround? Why say you are going to call when you have no intentions of doing so? Why lead a girl on?

I hate the dating world. The only reason why I am still in it is because as a single girl I have no choice. All single people are in the dating world whether they like it or not. Its sad. I'd like to check myself out of it like a bad hotel. Oh well. I'll stay at the one star motel...against my will.