While on vacation at the Jersey Shore (which was fantastically relaxing, by the way) I hurt my knee in the ocean when a wave hit it. Yeah, I was taken down by a wave. I twisted it and it hurt really bad. What hurt worse was finding out that my boyfriend's entire family, who we were vacationing with, thought that I faked it. I was very hurt and still am hurt by it. It makes me uncomfortable to be around them. And because they think I faked it, I feel like now everyone feels I faked it too. That is probably not true, but they put the doubt in my mind and I hate that.
I think they thought I was faking because the injury didn't stop me from doing things at the shore. I still went to the boardwalk, swam in the pool (not the ocean) and went to sit on the beach. I did all that through pain and put on a happy face while doing it. After all, I was on vacation and I didn't want to take away from other's fun times.
So they thought I faked it. I am still in pain even though it happened a week and a half ago so I went to see a doctor. I slightly tore a ligament on my inner knee and have to use crutches to stay off of it! Don't know how I can fake that? I feel like I have to prove them wrong by showing them a doctor's note or something. I think that is very sad and I shouldn't have to do that. I'm sure they will think I am over-reacting when I come in with crutches later.
I don't know what I need to do to be good enough in their eyes. It is probably beyond that point of fixing that. I am very hurt that they think I am lying and faking.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Total Letdown
This summer has been a total letdown.
In the Spring, my boyfriend and I discussed doing many mini weekend getaways. We had plans for Washington D.C, the shore and Hershey Park.
Then my boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Las Vegas that his friends were also going on. It was planned. I took the days off of work. Then his friends backed out. And even though we had the plans booked, he cancelled too and we are left without a vacation.
Then we have our annual week-long trip to Lake Raystown in Pennsylvania. We go with a bunch of his co-workers every year. It was planned. I took the whole week off of work. Then his boss, who plans the trip, had an affair on his wife and the trip was cancelled and we are left without another vacation.
I tried to convince my boyfriend to go somewhere during these days I already have taken off. He has lots of excuses.
He wants to go with a group. Always wants a big group. It hurts my feelings. Why doesn't he want to go with me alone? Am I too boring? I mean he says he loves me but he doesn't want to spend a few nights alone with me.
Then he says he has anxiety towards events. He doesn't want to plan anything because he has such social anxiety about it. And it has seeped into our normal day to day living. He didn't want to go to a party this weekend with my friends. Said he had too much anxiety over it. So he kept putting it off. We arrived to the party hours late but once he was there he was fine.
Its always my events. My parties. My friends. My trips. My ideas. He has no problem going to the bars with his friends or the parties at his work.
I am very disappointed. This summer has been a complete and total let down. A lie. A farce. I have held it in for most of the summer but just a few minutes ago I told him how disappointed I was. And he says "Keep fueling the pressure and anxiety." Am I being a horrible girlfriend? I have dealt with his "anxiety" about doing my events for the entire relationship. In fact, I many times have thought about breaking up with him because of it.
I never try to show my emotions around him, because he doesn't like it and makes me feel bad about it when I do. But after all this, I finally communicate to him about how I feel and I still feel bad about it. Maybe I am pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do. But when it is always your event that he doesn't want to do it takes a toll.
Am I being a bad girlfriend? Am I being fair to myself? Is there a solution to this problem?
In the Spring, my boyfriend and I discussed doing many mini weekend getaways. We had plans for Washington D.C, the shore and Hershey Park.
Then my boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Las Vegas that his friends were also going on. It was planned. I took the days off of work. Then his friends backed out. And even though we had the plans booked, he cancelled too and we are left without a vacation.
Then we have our annual week-long trip to Lake Raystown in Pennsylvania. We go with a bunch of his co-workers every year. It was planned. I took the whole week off of work. Then his boss, who plans the trip, had an affair on his wife and the trip was cancelled and we are left without another vacation.
I tried to convince my boyfriend to go somewhere during these days I already have taken off. He has lots of excuses.
He wants to go with a group. Always wants a big group. It hurts my feelings. Why doesn't he want to go with me alone? Am I too boring? I mean he says he loves me but he doesn't want to spend a few nights alone with me.
Then he says he has anxiety towards events. He doesn't want to plan anything because he has such social anxiety about it. And it has seeped into our normal day to day living. He didn't want to go to a party this weekend with my friends. Said he had too much anxiety over it. So he kept putting it off. We arrived to the party hours late but once he was there he was fine.
Its always my events. My parties. My friends. My trips. My ideas. He has no problem going to the bars with his friends or the parties at his work.
I am very disappointed. This summer has been a complete and total let down. A lie. A farce. I have held it in for most of the summer but just a few minutes ago I told him how disappointed I was. And he says "Keep fueling the pressure and anxiety." Am I being a horrible girlfriend? I have dealt with his "anxiety" about doing my events for the entire relationship. In fact, I many times have thought about breaking up with him because of it.
I never try to show my emotions around him, because he doesn't like it and makes me feel bad about it when I do. But after all this, I finally communicate to him about how I feel and I still feel bad about it. Maybe I am pressuring him to do things he doesn't want to do. But when it is always your event that he doesn't want to do it takes a toll.
Am I being a bad girlfriend? Am I being fair to myself? Is there a solution to this problem?
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
My Happy Tank
Fourth of July, 2010
My boyfriend and I were driving around after the fireworks, just hanging out and having fun. He asked "Do you want to go to New York City?" I thought he was joking but I answered an exciting "Yes." And off to NYC we went. About 20 minutes later we were in the Holland Tunnel and on our way to the city.
We drove to Times Square. We booked a hotel room and we walked around the city into the wee hours of the night. We had a drink at a local bar. We took pictures of the lights and sights. We walked hand in hand down every street and I smiled the whole time!
Our hotel room had the most beautiful view of Times Square. We were 37 floors up and I could see everything! I would just stand at the window and stare for an hour. It was wonderful!
My boyfriend said he did it just to make me happy and see me smile. I smiled the whole time. I haven't been that happy in a long time. He said he filled my happy tank. He sure did!
My boyfriend and I were driving around after the fireworks, just hanging out and having fun. He asked "Do you want to go to New York City?" I thought he was joking but I answered an exciting "Yes." And off to NYC we went. About 20 minutes later we were in the Holland Tunnel and on our way to the city.
We drove to Times Square. We booked a hotel room and we walked around the city into the wee hours of the night. We had a drink at a local bar. We took pictures of the lights and sights. We walked hand in hand down every street and I smiled the whole time!
Our hotel room had the most beautiful view of Times Square. We were 37 floors up and I could see everything! I would just stand at the window and stare for an hour. It was wonderful!
My boyfriend said he did it just to make me happy and see me smile. I smiled the whole time. I haven't been that happy in a long time. He said he filled my happy tank. He sure did!
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