Since I have had vertigo, I have had LOTS of time at home to think about my current single status (among other things).
I have decided that I am going to put full effort into bettering myself. I want the best for me. I decided to go back to school for my Master's degree. It is something that I have put off for a while and I feel like now may be a good time to go for it. I am definitely at a point in my career that I want more and to do that I will need to further my education.
But not only that, I am just tired of holding myself back. I have put lots of things off for other people=my parents, relationships, work. I am tired of it. So I am putting the most important person in my life first....ME! No longer will I care what others think of me. No longer will I put things on the back burner for other people. What's most important is me. My life. My health. My happiness. (Maybe if I had thought of my health 3 or 4 months ago, when the dizziness started, that maybe I would be better by now and not on a leave of absence from work). My priority from now on is me. I am going to work to achieve some of my dreams and my goals and in the meantime maybe a man will find that attractive and sweep me off my feet.
It doesn't matter who you are or what you do. Your top priority should and always be you. Because without you, who would you be?
Friday, October 31, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Today, I leave you with a quote from Sex and the City that describes how I feel lately being single while surrounded by new engagements and weddings. (Seriously, is there something in the water around here?)
Where's my flatware?
"Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you . Hallmark doesn't make a "congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy" card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone?"
Where's my flatware?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Stop Looking Already
I got some dating advice (again) tonight. My friend said that when you stop looking the right one will come to you. Everyone has heard this saying before. But what he said is that you have to be honest about it. You REALLY can't be looking....AT ALL. You almost have to push people away, the right one will stay even though you are pushing them out.
I think that he may be right but that is SO hard. If a guy asked me out right now, I am jumping at the opportunity since I have had ZERO dates in a year and a half. So I would take that opportunity and run. He said that when dating you must be equal parts playing hard to get and being available. So you must make yourself available but you have to be in control of it. Don't be available all the time. Reject the guy a couple of times then make yourself available to him. This is hard advice to follow when you are looking for a man. But see above, if you aren't looking it's easy to do this. Nothing that is achieved cheaply is valued in the end.
My friend said that the way to get guys to approach you is to make yourself the center of attention (in a good way) no matter where you are. You want to be the one that everyone wants to hang out with. You have to become "that girl" as opposed to just "some girl". See, I feel that I do this. Maybe not everywhere I go, but for the most part if I am hanging out with my friends, I don't care what any one else is doing, I am having a good time. It's just for me that no one is approaching me and I don't understand why.
I think that the advice that my friend gave me is true. It's just applying it that is hard. I think that I will invest a little more in myself so that I can forget about being single for a while. Maybe then, when I am not looking, the right one will come along.
I think that he may be right but that is SO hard. If a guy asked me out right now, I am jumping at the opportunity since I have had ZERO dates in a year and a half. So I would take that opportunity and run. He said that when dating you must be equal parts playing hard to get and being available. So you must make yourself available but you have to be in control of it. Don't be available all the time. Reject the guy a couple of times then make yourself available to him. This is hard advice to follow when you are looking for a man. But see above, if you aren't looking it's easy to do this. Nothing that is achieved cheaply is valued in the end.
My friend said that the way to get guys to approach you is to make yourself the center of attention (in a good way) no matter where you are. You want to be the one that everyone wants to hang out with. You have to become "that girl" as opposed to just "some girl". See, I feel that I do this. Maybe not everywhere I go, but for the most part if I am hanging out with my friends, I don't care what any one else is doing, I am having a good time. It's just for me that no one is approaching me and I don't understand why.
I think that the advice that my friend gave me is true. It's just applying it that is hard. I think that I will invest a little more in myself so that I can forget about being single for a while. Maybe then, when I am not looking, the right one will come along.
Engagement Envy
So, two of my friends this week got engaged (or are about to) and are buzzing with excitement as they should be. I am happy for them. They are both about to marry wonderful guys who treat them well and will live happily ever after.
Blah, blah, blah.
Yes I am happy for them. Really I am. But I started to notice just a little, itty bitty bit of jealousy starting to creep in.
See, my one friend, A, never had a boyfriend that lasted more than two weeks until this guy came along. And I am happy for her. But in college, she would find a guy and date him and break up with him for meaningless reasons like he didn't like to eat pancakes or he ate crackers in her bed. So needless to say we never thought that A would find a man that was worthy of her. She has high standards and this is not at all a bad thing. In fact, sometimes I wish I was as picky as she is, then maybe I wouldn't have moved to Maryland for a guy so quickly and therefore lost two years of my life. Anyway, in college, I was the opposite. I didn't have many boyfriends, but I could keep a man for a long term relationship. That is all I really have had is the long term relationship...its the short term dating that I have a problem with. I was willing to give a guy a chance and would accept his flaws and uniqueness, which is something A could not do.
Well, she found a man that she accepts. Fully accepts. Accepts his flaws and loves his unique qualities. This is HUGE growth for A and I am proud of her.
But I can't help but be jealous. No one thought that A would be the one to get married first. It's wonderful. It's great. It's exciting. I'm jealous.
Now that A is getting married, I will be the ONLY single girl out of all my friends. I will no longer have A to talk to for single girl advice and gripes. I will no longer be able to hang out with A for single girl fun. She will be just like the rest of them, living in suburbia with hubby, a house with a white-picket fence and a family to start. And leaving me alone. Now no matter who I hang out with of all of my friends, I will be the third wheel. I will be the only one unmarried and without children. I'm sad, depressed, jealous. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help but be thinking about what could have been in my life.
I know that I am not the only single person in the world. But singles in MY world are becoming few and far between and I am having trouble accepting my role as the ONLY single girl in my group. With time, I will get used to it, I'm sure or I could be hopeful that one day it will be my day to announce my engagement, I just don't want to get my hopes up.
Blah, blah, blah.
Yes I am happy for them. Really I am. But I started to notice just a little, itty bitty bit of jealousy starting to creep in.
See, my one friend, A, never had a boyfriend that lasted more than two weeks until this guy came along. And I am happy for her. But in college, she would find a guy and date him and break up with him for meaningless reasons like he didn't like to eat pancakes or he ate crackers in her bed. So needless to say we never thought that A would find a man that was worthy of her. She has high standards and this is not at all a bad thing. In fact, sometimes I wish I was as picky as she is, then maybe I wouldn't have moved to Maryland for a guy so quickly and therefore lost two years of my life. Anyway, in college, I was the opposite. I didn't have many boyfriends, but I could keep a man for a long term relationship. That is all I really have had is the long term relationship...its the short term dating that I have a problem with. I was willing to give a guy a chance and would accept his flaws and uniqueness, which is something A could not do.
Well, she found a man that she accepts. Fully accepts. Accepts his flaws and loves his unique qualities. This is HUGE growth for A and I am proud of her.
But I can't help but be jealous. No one thought that A would be the one to get married first. It's wonderful. It's great. It's exciting. I'm jealous.
Now that A is getting married, I will be the ONLY single girl out of all my friends. I will no longer have A to talk to for single girl advice and gripes. I will no longer be able to hang out with A for single girl fun. She will be just like the rest of them, living in suburbia with hubby, a house with a white-picket fence and a family to start. And leaving me alone. Now no matter who I hang out with of all of my friends, I will be the third wheel. I will be the only one unmarried and without children. I'm sad, depressed, jealous. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help but be thinking about what could have been in my life.
I know that I am not the only single person in the world. But singles in MY world are becoming few and far between and I am having trouble accepting my role as the ONLY single girl in my group. With time, I will get used to it, I'm sure or I could be hopeful that one day it will be my day to announce my engagement, I just don't want to get my hopes up.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
He's Just Not That Into You
He's just not that into you. Story of my life.
Apparently, and I am totally just guessing and overanalyzing here, but apparently my current little crush does not have a crush on me back. After talking / texting on a semi-daily basis for the past two months, he has suddenly fallen off the face of the planet and I have not heard from him in about a week.
Overanalyzing....maybe. Overreacting...perhaps. But it still leaves me confused.
So indulge me in my little crazy overanalyzing cause y'all know that I'm going to do it anyway.
Is it that he is just busy or is he really not that into me? He seems flirty when we are together and we get along just fine. We were talking on a semi-daily basis until this...nothingness. Is he on the other end thinking the same things about me...that I fell off the face of earth and am not that into him?
So, what does a girl do? Should I call him tomorrow and give it one last chance to re-spark, or do I just leave it be as if it doesn't really matter to me? I don't want him to think that I am not interested in him (even though he is showing that he is not interested at all in me). Those of you that know me know that I am not one to give up. I have been known to wait years for a guy to come around (which isn't necessarily a good thing).
Obviously I am not good at this dating thing and starting (and well keeping) relationships, so if you are reading this and you have any input, PLEASE help. I am getting tired of being single...not that I am trying to force anything, but I would like to get into the dating game rather than sitting on the sidelines.
Apparently, and I am totally just guessing and overanalyzing here, but apparently my current little crush does not have a crush on me back. After talking / texting on a semi-daily basis for the past two months, he has suddenly fallen off the face of the planet and I have not heard from him in about a week.
Overanalyzing....maybe. Overreacting...perhaps. But it still leaves me confused.
So indulge me in my little crazy overanalyzing cause y'all know that I'm going to do it anyway.
Is it that he is just busy or is he really not that into me? He seems flirty when we are together and we get along just fine. We were talking on a semi-daily basis until this...nothingness. Is he on the other end thinking the same things about me...that I fell off the face of earth and am not that into him?
So, what does a girl do? Should I call him tomorrow and give it one last chance to re-spark, or do I just leave it be as if it doesn't really matter to me? I don't want him to think that I am not interested in him (even though he is showing that he is not interested at all in me). Those of you that know me know that I am not one to give up. I have been known to wait years for a guy to come around (which isn't necessarily a good thing).
Obviously I am not good at this dating thing and starting (and well keeping) relationships, so if you are reading this and you have any input, PLEASE help. I am getting tired of being single...not that I am trying to force anything, but I would like to get into the dating game rather than sitting on the sidelines.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Vertigo
I'm out of commission for a little while. I've been getting dizzy for a while now and the doctor told me today I have vertigo. No work, no play until it gets treated. That has me a little bummed, but maybe the break will be good for me. I have to go see a neurologist on Friday and then go from there. I hope that all goes okay at that appointment.
I'm a little worried, a little relieved, but mostly very sad that I have to give up work and dance (and therefore give up my social life) for dizziness, but health comes first. And once I'm treated, I'll be better than new.
I'm a little worried, a little relieved, but mostly very sad that I have to give up work and dance (and therefore give up my social life) for dizziness, but health comes first. And once I'm treated, I'll be better than new.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Playing the Slots?
My friend recently gave me this dating advice. Her brother used to work security at a casino. He has a world of great casino advice, but at the top of the list is this: go to the slot that hasn't been used in awhile. The slot machines that people walk away from, aren't paying out. The machines that haven't been touched in awhile, for whatever reason, seem pay out when you walk up to them. When you're at a machine that seemed like it's gonna pay out, but doesn't, or has paid out, but stops, walk away. Try another machine.
A part of me wants to agree with her. You have to know when to keep putting change in and when to walk away. But I also feel that sometimes, people give up too quickly and that persistence can pay off. When dating, I feel that it all depends on the situation. Some walk away just when the guy was getting warmed up to the idea of dating you.
What I am saying is that it often takes time to get to know one another. And usually you are getting to know each other through a friendship and casual flirting. To give up just at the point when he is starting to get to know the real you is a loss and your persistence may pay off.
In other situations they are just blowing sunshine up your ass and they really want nothing to do with dating you but don't want to hurt your feelings by saying no.
I'm one to not give up. I am one to chase a guy that I liked in high school for over 5 years. I had a crush on him that just wouldn't go away. In college, he decided that he had feelings for me too that grew over time and we dated. Who cares that we broke up 3 years later. My point is that my persistence paid off and he did date me cause I didn't give up.
I feel that you can keep pursuing and he may still continue to reject you. But isn't part of the fun the pursuit. And why not keep chasing so long as it's still fun to you.
Keep putting the change in, eventually the slot will pay out.
A part of me wants to agree with her. You have to know when to keep putting change in and when to walk away. But I also feel that sometimes, people give up too quickly and that persistence can pay off. When dating, I feel that it all depends on the situation. Some walk away just when the guy was getting warmed up to the idea of dating you.
What I am saying is that it often takes time to get to know one another. And usually you are getting to know each other through a friendship and casual flirting. To give up just at the point when he is starting to get to know the real you is a loss and your persistence may pay off.
In other situations they are just blowing sunshine up your ass and they really want nothing to do with dating you but don't want to hurt your feelings by saying no.
I'm one to not give up. I am one to chase a guy that I liked in high school for over 5 years. I had a crush on him that just wouldn't go away. In college, he decided that he had feelings for me too that grew over time and we dated. Who cares that we broke up 3 years later. My point is that my persistence paid off and he did date me cause I didn't give up.
I feel that you can keep pursuing and he may still continue to reject you. But isn't part of the fun the pursuit. And why not keep chasing so long as it's still fun to you.
Keep putting the change in, eventually the slot will pay out.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Wish
I wish I understood why I am the ONLY single one in my group of friends.
I wish I understood why no guy wants to date me even though I may possibly be the coolest girl they know.
I wish I understood why a guy doesn't want to go out to dinner with me, even if it is only as friends (I mean, come on, it's a dinner not a marriage proposal for God's sake)
I wish I understood the statement "Alison, you are friendship material but not so much girlfriend material."
I wish I understood why playing hard to get works for everyone else but when I try it the guy just forgets about me like I fell of the face of the planet.
I wish I understood why a guy would not call me back after he asked me to specifically call him today.
I just wish I understood. I don't know if I ever will.
I wish I understood why no guy wants to date me even though I may possibly be the coolest girl they know.
I wish I understood why a guy doesn't want to go out to dinner with me, even if it is only as friends (I mean, come on, it's a dinner not a marriage proposal for God's sake)
I wish I understood the statement "Alison, you are friendship material but not so much girlfriend material."
I wish I understood why playing hard to get works for everyone else but when I try it the guy just forgets about me like I fell of the face of the planet.
I wish I understood why a guy would not call me back after he asked me to specifically call him today.
I just wish I understood. I don't know if I ever will.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Blindness
I got a really nice compliment the other day. One of the nicest compliments I have ever received.
The manager of the dance studio told me that I was a very welcome addition to the school; that I have a great personality; get along and can talk to anyone. He said that I come in with a great attitude and have a very good sense of humor. He actually said I was a shining star and is happy that I joined the dance studio. It was really nice to hear that and I feel like he was being genuine. It meant a lot.
The thing is a lot of people have been telling me this lately. "You're so funny", "I love your bubbly personality", "You can talk to anyone, I wish I could be like that". If I am so great, (which trust me I am pretty awesome), then why I am still single? Can they not see what a great catch I could possibly be? I am not trying to show off or toot my own horn about how fantastic I am, not at all. I am just trying to understand it, that's all.
Are the single guys blind or are others just blowing smoke up my ass?
The manager of the dance studio told me that I was a very welcome addition to the school; that I have a great personality; get along and can talk to anyone. He said that I come in with a great attitude and have a very good sense of humor. He actually said I was a shining star and is happy that I joined the dance studio. It was really nice to hear that and I feel like he was being genuine. It meant a lot.
The thing is a lot of people have been telling me this lately. "You're so funny", "I love your bubbly personality", "You can talk to anyone, I wish I could be like that". If I am so great, (which trust me I am pretty awesome), then why I am still single? Can they not see what a great catch I could possibly be? I am not trying to show off or toot my own horn about how fantastic I am, not at all. I am just trying to understand it, that's all.
Are the single guys blind or are others just blowing smoke up my ass?
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Accomplishment
One of my friends just emailed me for advice. He was saying that he feels unaccomplished around other friends when he has to tell them that his long term relationship has ended. He feels like he has wasted seven years of his life.
Why is it that one can only have a good life if they are in a relationship or are married? Like a single person doesn't have other things in life to be proud of. Just cause we aren't in a relationship doesn't mean we haven't accomplished other things.
I know that breaking up can totally suck...been there done that. But sometimes breaking up and surviving it is the biggest accomplishment one can make. If you can survive heartbreak and move on and make it, then you can survive anything. Surviving a break up teaches you. You learn who you are (and who you're not), what to do and not do in the next relationship, who you are looking for as a partner and how to deal with life when it throws you a curve ball. If you ask me, those who have been through heartbreak have accomplished more than those who have never experienced it.
And to my friend who emailed me, if you are reading this and I hope you are, I AM PROUD OF YOU!
Why is it that one can only have a good life if they are in a relationship or are married? Like a single person doesn't have other things in life to be proud of. Just cause we aren't in a relationship doesn't mean we haven't accomplished other things.
I know that breaking up can totally suck...been there done that. But sometimes breaking up and surviving it is the biggest accomplishment one can make. If you can survive heartbreak and move on and make it, then you can survive anything. Surviving a break up teaches you. You learn who you are (and who you're not), what to do and not do in the next relationship, who you are looking for as a partner and how to deal with life when it throws you a curve ball. If you ask me, those who have been through heartbreak have accomplished more than those who have never experienced it.
And to my friend who emailed me, if you are reading this and I hope you are, I AM PROUD OF YOU!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Good at Friendship, Bad at Relationships
I have made a friend, a guy friend that I talk to often. I admit that the reason why I wanted to even talk to the guy at first was to date him, but after months of talking and hanging out, I get the feeling that he only wants to be friends. We are VERY flirty with each other, so I am not really sure what he is thinking and I sure as hell am not going to come out and ask him. I have accepted that we are friends and maybe eventually it will lead to something more.
I know that he cares a good bit about me. I haven't been feeling well and he calls or texts daily to make sure that I am okay. And he catches me when I am dizzy and about to pass out. Best of all, he is understanding and patient with me through it all...I know a perfect catch, right?
Too bad he just wants to be friends. Is he just scared to get into a relationship? Does he have feelings for me but the timing is wrong? I value his friendship, so I don't want to screw it up. Is it true? Am I good at friendship but bad at relationships?
I know that he cares a good bit about me. I haven't been feeling well and he calls or texts daily to make sure that I am okay. And he catches me when I am dizzy and about to pass out. Best of all, he is understanding and patient with me through it all...I know a perfect catch, right?
Too bad he just wants to be friends. Is he just scared to get into a relationship? Does he have feelings for me but the timing is wrong? I value his friendship, so I don't want to screw it up. Is it true? Am I good at friendship but bad at relationships?
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